The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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