i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
