I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
