Already got asked if we're dating
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I looked at my own cervix.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
