I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
