508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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