i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
