Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
