I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
