She's JV to your varsity
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
