Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
