If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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