Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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