dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
