ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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