So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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