You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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