just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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