i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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