He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
