my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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