Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
