My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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