I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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