I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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