You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
