You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
