3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
