Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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