who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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