Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think your dad took our porno
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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