That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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