i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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