Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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