the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
