Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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