I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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