Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
