capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish you could order shots online.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The air taste purple.
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