I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
