I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
