What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
