my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
