Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
