she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
