Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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