When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
