Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
