Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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