apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize