I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
