I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the room spins SO much faster in panama
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
