another moral hangover. fuck.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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