just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
