my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
