Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
