Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
