everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize