So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
