who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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