I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This baby is an asshole
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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