bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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