she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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