New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
