LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
