We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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