So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
