Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
