i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
