everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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