i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
